2003-11-01 :: people say the lights trave the fastest..

I've been sitting here for a while now wanting to write about something, anything really. That's not really happening..

This time last year, we were all relieved to know that english exam has finally finished. No more memorising the quotes, memorising the how-to for writing essays. No more being feel bothered by having pen blister on our fingers.

Thinking back, that was quite fun. Feeling that kind of pressure. We thought it was so important to get a *right* answer, get a good mark. Getting into uni was everything. We.. well at least, I thought getting into the right course meant everything, once I got in the course I thought the future would come with it. Thought I never had to suffer and bother with what to do after I finish *this* and *that*.

Now I know I was wrong. Finishing exam was just a step to the next level. And all those exam studies and the stresses we had, weren't anything compared to the ones I sometimes feel right this moment, or maybe this year.. next year and a few years after that.

In a way being in high school, I was secured. I only had to do whatever I'd been told. You had the work given by the teachers, all you had to do was to memorise everything and basically you're set. And after 90 minutes of writing them down onto a sheet of paper you're allowed to forget all about it.

Even with co-carriculam activities, you had adults looking after you. You had a *boss* someone who you can rely on to. Now, with uni, we have a *leader*. One of us. I never thought not having any adults around us makes it such a big difference.

I guess it's a signification of us.. me growing older.

Over here, being 19 is considered as still underage. Drinking/smoking/voting become legal from the age of 20. Also deciding other things like whether you want to be an organ donor and what to do with yourself when your brains died, you have to be over 20 to be able to make a decision about it.

I don't know why I'm telling you about all this, but I guess I'm trying to make a point that in a way I still want to be a child, being looked after by other people, feeling secure and the other half of me want to become independent.

I had a golf competition yeterday. About 2 hours away from Tokyo area. I stayed at my friend's house a night before and we all got a lift from there at 4:30am. We finished the match at 5pm and after that we had to do all the little work to make sure the scores and to record everything. By the time we left the club house it was 6pm, and we used a high way, however, the high way was not moving. Traffic Jam. 10km. We got off it after 2 hours. Had a dinner there, we still were only half way to Tokyo. By the time we got dropped off at one of the stations in Tokyo, it was alreay 10:30pm. I live about 1 hours and a bit away from that station. I got home just before 12am. My parents weren't happy about me coming home so late.

But is it really that late? And should they be angry at me for something I could not have a control over? I know the area and I knew it was safe. I made sure I would get home before mid night. Everyone around me do not seem to have a similar problem with me.

Then why are my parents being so paranoid about me coming home so *late* at night??

I envy all my friends who live by themselves and whenever I tell them that they always say "It's not as nice as you think it would be". Yes I know family is good, but I'm starting to become an age of which I can have a respobsibility over my behaviour.

Thinking back, a year ago. We lived in a area where it's surrounded by fence. Living in a block of building where adults walk around during the night time with alarmed doors. Big change in a way.

Maybe more big stuff will come in near future. I'll never know. I wouldn't want to know. Whatever happens, I want to be able to smile. Not regretting on what I had done.

Anyway, even though I won't know what will happen in a future I know I've gotta work tomorrow and go out to have a dinner with my friends tomorrow night. This means I'd better start getting ready for a night sleep. Also I still haven't got back all the sleep I lacked on Thursday night. We watched Shining which finished at 1:30am and had to be up by 3:30am. Playing golf in that status wasn't the best. Still heaps of fun.

I'm going now. By the way, I talked to someone who I haven't spoken to for a long time which was nice. Nice but very weird.

Although, the weiredest thing in my life at the moment is the fact that I've been in this country for over 10 months now..

Time flies.. Faster than anything..

Buenos Noches