2003-11-24 :: cry

I spoke to Gem today. She told me it was Speach Night tonight. It feels like yesterday when we sat on the stage and walked out from that door. Time flies.. This time last year.. well Gem stayed in my room at the boarding house, I remember. We were getting ready to leave for the schoolies.. That was the best time. Gosh, I can remember everythign so clearly. How I spent the last few days at school, getting ready to leave for the schoolies, whole issue with me racing at HoR or not, the sunshien at Port Douglas, the arguements, the bars, the drinks, the music, the swimming pool... I miss them, I miss those times, I msis everything, most of all I miss everyone. I miss them so much that I could cry right now right this moment. But no matter how much I msis them, I can't have them anymore. I'll cherish those times. The times we had and will never have again. But I'm glad I had those times.

Talking about crying, today at work I realised that I've never cried in front of anyone since I came back here.

Pretty weird considering the fact that I used to be such a crying baby. I was crying all the time this time last year, part of it was because I was sick.. well wasn't well, but most of it was because I could cry. I had someone who'd say "come on, you can cry, you are allowed to cry".

Do I now? No, unfortunately I have to say I haven't found anyone, or even a person whom I'd feel comfortable crying in front of to. Doesn't mean I don't cry though. The tears do come out when I'm alone in my room.

I think I've said this so long ago, but I'll say it again, crying is good. Crying and hugs from my friends used to be the best cure for my wounds, still are. But right now, I have wounds but no cures around me. And I think I've been hurting without really knowing it.

I can't tell you why I think of this because I'm not sure about it yet, but when I know it I'll tell you.

You maybe wondering why I'm telling you all this. I guess I'm feeling a bit lonely. I miss my friends. The talk I had with Gemma realised how special they are. I wish they are here, or I'm there.

Oh well, I can't keep complaining about it. I'll live with it.

But I want you to know that I miss you, OK?

Love lots