2003-12-31 :: just for this once.. let me whine

So the year 2003 has come to an end.

It has been a very eventful year for me.

I was reading through my on/offline diary the other day, and boy did I have my ups and downs. (Maybe more Downs than Ups)

Despites what the other people think, I personally believe I did a really good job for being me this year. Trying to fit into a new culture.

I can't really say I had the best year of my life and really enjoyed it because I really don't want to lie anymore, but I do want to congratulate myself.

A year ago, I was a person who could not fit into the society because I was so different. Through out the year I tried pretty hard to change the way I had to change. Stuff that was needed to be changed otherwise I wouldn't be able to survive in Japan. There were quite a few places that had to be fixed and here I am. I'm not completely *japanese* yet, there are parts *japanese* people cannot understand but those are the stuff I don't want to change. The fact that I use a lot of gestures, the fact that I give a lot of compliments to other people, the fact that I smile a lot, the fact that I appericiate instead of being sorry when someone does a favour to me and so on.

They are the reasons why I'm SONOMI. Sure I have a hard time being me and sometimes I get really tired of being myself and nearly let them go. But times like that, I speak to my *real* friends and they remind of me of who I am and why I'm me. I love them for it. So thank you.

You get tired swimming against the currents right?

I say this year was very eventful. I left Australia, Melbourne, My friends, My home (in real way). I came to a country where I knew no one and really could not see it as my *home*. Had to learn whole new sets of unspoken-rules. Had tried real hard to understand them (still am, still can't)

Sometimes (a lot of times) I hate being here. I know I shouldn't be complaining but it's the end of the year I might as well say what I want to say and what has to be said.

I really don't like here, after a year of trying, I really don't. I like the country itself, but I don't like the way the people think and how the whole thing works. And I really cannot wait to get out of here. I've heard people say how convinient it is living in Japan but I don't think it is. I get really tired being here.

I shouldn't be comparing Japan with Australia because it's so different and even in Australia the place I lived was quite different from other parts in Australia.. but still..

I don't wish I was in Melbourne, I just wish I could make my life better. I wish I could find close friends who could understand what I want them to know. The thing they consider as valuable don't seem to me much of a valuable stuff. And it works in vice versa..

I still have 3 whole years before I finish year.. at least. So at least for next 3 years I'm here. I won't complain anymore, just for today, just for now.. Let me whine.

I'd better go..