2004-10-02 :: thank for everything, IPODERAC

Hey, long time no speak. So how's it going?
If you ask me how I'm doing, and I'm to answer that question honestly, I'd have to say, I don't know.
I really don't know.
I've been back in Japan for 4 days now. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm thinking.
I can't believe it's over. For me, it was like a long dream or something. A nightmare sometimes, a great sweet dream other times.
Back in this country and thinking back that time, I just can't accept the fact that it was only a week ago that I was still with the *chavipos* (chavos de ipoderac. ipoderac boy, meaning in english) and working and running around with them.
It wasn't easy, of course. There were times when I really wanted to leave there. Had very tough time, and I really hate this world. So unfair.
But glad I went.
For the first time in my life, I was glad that I left Australia and came back Japan. Because if it wasn't for it, that I go to my uni and study Spanish, I wouldn't go to Mexico (probably never would have gone there if I stayed in Australia) and would never meet the other way of living.
The world where it is so unfair and such a shit place yet the people are always smiling and know how to enjoy the life.
Well, most of the 2 months, I lived with 72 boys who most of them don't have families, or can't live with them because of some reasons, they have really tough background: background which I could not have imagined, yet with their smiles, I tend to forget what they had in the past.
I love them so much.
Back in Japan and uni starting yesterday, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I do what I have to do and say what I have to say, but my mind is not with me.
I often find myself checking the clock, thinking what the boys would be doing.. like if it is around 2 o'clock, I'd think they're having lunch, or around 4pm, I'd think they're working or in the night time, I'd think of that pitched dark place.
I really am glad I went and am thankful to those who gave me such an opportunity: my family, my professors, the people who organised it, the people who work in IPODERAC, my friend, Asami who stayed with me and calmed me down when I was in shock and could not do anything but to cry.
Now that I'm in back in Japan, I know I really have to stop thinking about IPODERAC and get back to my *normal* life.
But wait for me, because I WILL and AM going back there. I have to. Because last time I was there, I think I only saw the *sweet* part of that place. Even though there were times I saw the dark side, the side where all the boys were acting so tough, the way they behaved really did shocked me, I really did only see the top of the ice burg of the problems they have.
So the next time I go back there I'm hoping to see the a little more *real* IPODERAC even if it means I'd have to see the shit part of it.
so, THANK YOU for everything. And SEE YOU very soon...
Les quiero muchisimo, no voy a decirles adios, pero nos vemos, porque voy a regresar ahi..
-sonomi